go home winter, you’re drunk.

As mentioned in my previous post, I have a deep disgust for snow. Sunday night however, the universe decided it would only be appropriate if on the anniversary of my first year in Chicago, I would slip on a big pile of ice and fall down the stairs.

Let me break this down for you, black ice is a sneaky mother f-er. It’s as if Satan just Alex Mack’d himself and turned into an invisible pile of hardened water so that he could have a front-row seat at your painful and humiliating death. It’s THE WORST.

Since moving here, I’ve witnessed a number of people slip and fall on ice and I’ve always dreaded being one of them. I may have laughed uncontrollably at them when it happened, but that was only a natural instinct, I truly felt bad for them. For this reason, I always take tiny steps when near snow or ice or puddles or whatever. I may look like a total freak, but it beats falling on your ass. This, I now know first hand.

The other night, as I was getting home from my weekend job (a topic for another day), I saw my life flash before my eyes as I slipped and fell down these demon stairs:

I slipped on ice at the top right after I pushed open the gate & fell all the way down onto that even bigger pile of ice at the bottom 😦

I’m now literally afraid to go in or out through the back of my apartment until winter is over and done with. I’m completely traumatized. The back of my apartment is a freaking ice rink & I am NOT a fan of skating. Check it out for yourself:

For an entire week it hurt to walk, sit, get up, you name it. If it wasn’t for all the down feathers in my puffer coat, the pain would be much worse, but it was scary nonetheless. There was no one around that late at night and I just pictured my frozen, lifeless body being found the next morning. Super tragic.

What I really need is for that stupid groundhog to get out of his cave & make this winter disappear. The sun needs to shine the shit out over Chicago and melt all this dumb snow so that we can all get on with our lives and frolic the streets sans coats and have endless drinks on sidewalk patios and wear skirts and shorts and tank tops and sandals like normal human beings! Enough with this winter nonsense already! It’s freaking March people! I can’t take it anymore!

Rant over. Thank you for letting me vent.

xo

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